School Avoidance: How Psychodynamic Counselling Helps Children With Emotionally Based School Avoidance (EBSA)

By Ellen Laughlin, Psychotherapist at Kids' Therapy Works

Understanding your child's emotional needs and school avoidance
Many parents today are hearing new terms such as social, emotional and mental health (SEMH) or emotionally based school avoidance (EBSA). While the language can feel technical, the shift behind it is an important one. It reflects a growing understanding that children's behaviour is often a form of communication, rather than something to label as simply "good" or "bad."

From "behaviour" to emotional understanding
In 2014, changes to the SEND Code of Practice replaced older terms like "behavioural difficulties" with SEMH. This was more than a change in wording - it marked a shift in how we think about children's behaviour.
Instead of asking why a child is misbehaving, professionals are now encouraged to consider what the child might be feeling or struggling with underneath the behaviour. Absenteeism, for example, can be understood as emotionally based school avoidance rather than simply a refusal to attend school.

What is EBSA really about?
At its core, EBSA is often driven by difficult emotions, with anxiety being one of the most common. A child may feel unable to cope with schoolwork, fear that something bad might happen, feel as though they do not fit in, or feel unsafe or overwhelmed.
These emotional experiences are not only psychological - they often show up physically too. Parents may notice nausea, stomach aches, vomiting, shaking, or sweating, and in some cases these symptoms can begin hours or even days before the school day itself.
From a psychodynamic perspective, these responses can be understood as coping strategies - ways of managing emotional stress that your child may not have the words or capacity to express directly.

Is EBSA becoming more common?
Since the COVID-19 pandemic, schools and families have reported a significant rise in emotionally based absence. Support groups such as Not Fine in School have grown from around 100 members before the pandemic to tens of thousands afterwards, reflecting how many families are facing similar challenges.
Government data also shows a marked increase in school absence rates in recent years, with a rise in both persistent and severe absence compared to pre-pandemic levels. Alongside this, there is growing concern that rising levels of anxiety and mental health difficulties are contributing to school avoidance, while services are often under significant pressure to meet increasing demand.

Why might a child avoid school?
There is rarely a single cause of EBSA. It is usually the result of a combination of emotional, social, family, and school-related factors that interact with one another.
A child may be trying to avoid feelings of anxiety, low mood, or emotional distress. They may be attempting to escape situations that feel overwhelming, such as academic pressure, social challenges, or sensory overload. In some cases, school avoidance may relate to separation anxiety or a strong need for closeness and reassurance from caregivers. In other situations, a child may be drawn to activities at home that feel more manageable or rewarding than school.
These experiences often overlap and shift over time, meaning a child may be coping with several emotional pressures at once.

Listening beneath the behaviour
A key principle in supporting EBSA is that children's voices matter - but this is not always straightforward. Many children struggle to articulate what they are feeling, especially when emotions are overwhelming or confusing. When asked directly why they do not want to go to school, they may respond with "I don't know" or be unable to find the words to explain their experience.
For this reason, more creative and indirect approaches can be helpful in understanding a child's inner world.

Looking beneath the surface
It can be easy to focus on what is most visible - school absence, morning distress, or refusal to attend. However, these visible behaviours often grow from deeper roots: anxiety, fear, past experiences, emotional overwhelm, difficulties with relationships, or a sense of not belonging.
From a psychodynamic perspective, behaviour is rarely random. It often reflects an attempt to manage feelings that feel too difficult to think about or express directly. This does not mean the behaviour is a choice — it is often a form of emotional protection.

Moving forward together
Supporting a child experiencing EBSA is rarely straightforward, and there is no single solution that works for everyone. What makes the most difference is a steady focus on understanding the child's emotional experience rather than focusing only on attendance or behaviour.
Psychodynamic counselling helps by uncovering the unconscious forces driving the anxiety and avoidance. When adults are able to stay curious about what lies beneath the surface, and when children feel that their inner world is being taken seriously, meaningful change becomes more possible. The aim is not to force attendance, but to help the child feel safe enough, understood enough, and supported enough to re-engage with school at a pace they can manage.

Counselling at Kids' Therapy Works

If your child is experiencing school avoidance and could benefit from some support, our child therapist in Colchester can help. Kids' Therapy Works Counselling offers a safe and confidential space where children and young people can explore their feelings at their own pace. Sessions take place at our Lakelands clinic in Stanway, Colchester.

If you'd like to find out more, please get in touch via our counselling page. I'd be happy to have a chat.

Ellen Laughlin holds an MA in Psychodynamic Counselling and Psychotherapy and works with children and young people experiencing anxiety, emotional difficulties, grief, bereavement, and relationship challenges. She is based at Kids' Therapy Works, Lakelands, Stanway, Colchester.

This post is part of the Children's Counselling Explained series, written to help parents understand the support available for their child's emotional wellbeing.